


I'd Rather This

by mmmmph



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist & Alice "Daisy" Tonner Are Best Friends, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist & Alice "Daisy" Tonner Friendship, Mentions of Death, No beta we kayak like Tim, Pining John, Post-Alice "Daisy" Tonner in The Buried Fear Domain, Sad Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Season/Series 04, jon is fucked up, jon miss martin, jon miss tim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28097634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmmph/pseuds/mmmmph
Summary: This is one of the bad days.They're sitting on the floor, back to back, because Daisy said it's the most comfortable position for her, weirdly.Jon doesn't judge, he has a bad back and he likes the casual touch. And even if he didn't, he doesn't have enough energy for things like judging right now (martin of two years ago would never have believed it. Actually, no body two years ago would have believed. Funny, how things changed. Now there's no body left to be surprised or care).It's a bad day. They're both tired and hungry and weak, and Jon's head is pounding.or - jon and daisy alone in the archive, what crimes will they commit? (the crimes of an open heart to heart because i'm a sucker for talking)
Relationships: Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist & Alice "Daisy" Tonner
Comments: 10
Kudos: 52





	I'd Rather This

**Author's Note:**

> hello i love two things - 1. dialogue heavy fics 2. jon & daisy friendship. so here i present to you jon and daisy sitting and talking for almost 2k. tomorrow? who knows.  
> do pay mind to the fact they are talking a lot about death, both past canonical death and hypothetical main character death. also spoilers for s3 and the first half of s4. oh and mentions of the coffin but nothing really detailed.  
> love you!

This is one of the bad days.

They're sitting on the floor, back to back, because Daisy said it's the most comfortable position for her, weirdly. Jon doesn't judge, he has a bad back and he likes the casual touch. And even if he didn't, he doesn't have enough energy for things like judging right now (martin of two years ago would never have believed it. Actually, no body two years ago would have believed. Funny, how things changed. Now there's no body left to be surprised or care).

It's a bad day. They're both tired and hungry and weak, and Jon's head is pounding. They're alone in the archives; Melanie out for therapy and Basira out god knows where (funny, him of two years ago – of one year ago – would have been mad suspicious of that. But he can't bring himself to care these days. If she is planning his doom somewhere, part of him thinks it might be actually for the better) and martin… well.

So they're sitting there alone, back to back, the light's off because Jon's eyes hurt (he used to wear glasses before the coma. After he woke up, he just didn't really need them anymore? Plus his old pair got blown up in the explosion and he never got around to buying a new one, what with all that's been going on and everything… and his eyesight was fine but sometimes he felt them burning a little, in the same way they did when he stayed up all night reading in the dark as a child).

It was quiet, and secure, and they breathed together.

"Jon?" asked Daisy. He hummed in response. "Will you do me a favor? When I die, can you make sure they don't bury my body?"

Jon hummed again, in surprise. For one, because she seemed to think he will outlive her, which he really wasn't so sure of, and two…

"Okay, Daisy, I can do it. But for the record, I'm pretty sure they already did."

Daisy turned to look at him, eyebrows creased. "But what the fuck did they even bury?" she asked.

"Oh," he said, "well, I don't think they actually dig any hole, but, um, I think there is a grave? Like, a symbolic one."

She snorted. "If you think about it, in a way, it wasn't just symbolic. I _was_ buried. Like, literally. Fuck, Jon, that's so fucked up."

He started laughing. "It is, you're right."

The laughter bubbled up in them, light and out of nowhere, and they tried to laughed quietly without knowing why, and each time one of them calmed down they looked at the other and started again, and by the end of it they honestly didn't remember what they are laughing about.

When the laughter was done, and they leaned back on each other again, Jon looked up to the ceiling and let out a breath.

"What would you want me to do," he asked, "if not bury you?"

She cackled. "Honestly, I didn't even think of that. burn it maybe? Feed me to the monster pig for all I care, just don't put me in the ground."

That got a laugh out of him, and he thought, strangely dissociated, that it probably made her feel proud. "I could burn your body and use the ashes to plant a tree," he said.

She wrinkled her nose. "Jon, that's so sappy."

"Yeah," he smiled, "maybe. I think Tim would've loved it." Daisy went very still against his back. He kept talking. "Like, I don't know, he loved all that nature stuff and he really believed in leaving the world a better place then we found it, you know? And, I-I know you only knew him towards the end, but, um, he wasn't always like that, and when I first met him he was, uh, he was a bit different-" Jon knew he was rambling, but suddenly it was very hard to stop. He sucked on a breath and fixed his eyes on the wall, suddenly embarrassed.

Daisy was quiet. A moment passed in silence. And then –

"What was he like?" she asked, "When you first met him?"

Jon turned the question in his head. "He was… loud. And kind. He always tried to drag me to parties or something. He… um, he started working here about two years after I did, and two weeks or so in he already seemed to have mark me as his friend, I don't know even why, but I didn't really have a choice but to go along with it, did I? I don't know, it was... fun. I didn't have many friends here, I mostly kept to myself. And here comes this new guy, all sad eyes and jokes, and all but adopts me. It was fun."

Daisy squeezed his hand, a small gesture of good will. "Does everyone that works in the institute came here for trauma-related reasons?"

"Ha," he said, "you know what, maybe? I mean, before I knew about the, um, entities, I mostly thought it was just me. And then, I thought probably some of them are here just 'cause they like the supernatural or something, and some are here because they had encounters. But now, I think it just might be all of them." He paused for a moment. "No, wait, not all of them. Martin's only here because he lied on his CV."

"Wait, really?" called Daisy, turning to look at him. "Jon, that's hilarious."

He smiled, a weak sad sight. "It actually really is."

But none of them laughed.

Jon sighed and leaned his head against hers.

Daisy bit her tongue and hesitated, before asking: "how did you first meet martin?"

"Oh!" That made his face go bright again, sadness and longing disappearing. "It was awful, I was such a prick. It was when I first became the arc- the head archivist. Elias hired him without telling me, and suddenly this stranger bursting in to my office and rambling about a dog. I was… very rude to him."

"You were?" she laughed. "Would love to see you being rude. You were never rude to me."

"I was terrified of you," he said, smiling gently. "No, no, martin – I was horrible to him, at the beginning. Yelled and screamed like he was my punching bag. It's actually rather shameful to think back of."

"Ha," said Daisy. "You know, I really couldn't have guessed. When I met him, he had nothing but good things to say about you."

Jon all but froze against her back. When he spoke, his voice was small. "Really?"

"Yeah," said Daisy. She ignored the way his faced blushed, because she was a kind and good friend. The only friend he had left, really.

"I miss him," he blurted out, before he could stop.

"Oh, Jon," said Daisy, wonderful kind Daisy, whom he didn't know how to repay. "I know you do. I'm sorry he doesn't talk to you."

"yeah, it's-" he continued, voice growing stronger with her encouragement, "it's just, like, he was always here before, and I took that for granted, but then I woke up and he was all but gone, and I don't know what he's planning or why he doesn't trust me anymore, not that I could blame him for it, honestly it's a surprise he stuck by me as far as he did, I know I can't really ask for more, especially when I gave him no reason to-"

"Jon," she stopped him, "I really don't think it's like that."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think he's mad with you, or doesn't trust you or whatever. Did you not hear what I said? This guy has never had a bad word to say about you in his life."

"Well, a lot has changed since one of us last talked to him," said bitterly. Half a year had passed. People change. People stop loving people, apparently.

"Not this," said Daisy. "Trust me, Jon. How he feels about you hasn't changed."

"How would you know?"

"Jon, open your eyes. He's doing this for you. He grieved you."

And, well, she was right, Jon supposed. It didn't explain it, though. It didn't make everything feel better.

He sighed. "I suppose it must have been hard. Tim, you, me, his mother… all at the same time. I get it. It doesn't mean it didn't hurt to come back to a broken archive filled with people that hates me."

Daisy chuckled and burrowed her head into his back. It was a weird affectionate gesture, like all of Daisy's affectionate gestures. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up."

Jon laughed. "Thank you. I appreciate it. Even if you probably have hated me too if you hadn't gone into the coffin."

He regretted as soon as he said it. Neither he nor Daisy liked to think about it, but it was true. Their entire friendship (the only friendship Jon had anymore) was based on trauma. And wasn't that a sad place to be in? Sometimes, Jon felt guilty that he benefited from the worst thing that had ever happened to Daisy, that if facing the option to go back and save her, he'd probably choose to let her suffer in the coffin again. Anything to not be alone.

"Hey, don't do it," she said. She turned around to face him, taking his hand. "I know what you're thinking, but blaming yourself is literally the stupidest thing you can do right now. I'm happy the coffin happened." His eyes shot to her, shocked. "I hate the things I did under the influence of the Hunt. I'm happy my connection to it got cut. I'd rather this." She stroked his hand. "Okay?"

Jon nodded, unable to take his eyes of her. "I'm sorry," he said. He was incapable of saying anything else.

"I am too," she said. "For everything I did to you."

"You already apologized for that." She had. More than once. "But thank you."

"Well, then, I'm sorry for the things that happened to you."

He couldn't take his eyes of her. His throat did funny things. He couldn't speak so he nodded.

"You're not alone, Jon"

He nodded again, then looked away. He couldn't believe she said it to his face. Normally it was the kind of things he couldn't hear without sticking his eyes somewhere else.

"Thank you," he whispered, his back already pressed against hers again.

"Wanna go spy on martin?" she asked, because she was a wonderful friend and a fine person altogether.

"Yes please," said Jon. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!  
> i got emotional writing about tim so i had to stop. kinda want to write another fic about post coma jon dealing more with his death, so tell me if you'd like to see it!
> 
> comments are very appreciated, as i am but a small creature craving validation and attention.  
> this was so much fun to write, and i'm very exited to let you all read it! love you kiddos, have a nice day! ✨


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